One small step

Today I headed to the Quadrocks at Largs with Gerry. Warming up on damp routes I hadn't done in a long long time was good fun. I noticed more today in a trad environment just how much difference the fused ankle is making, having to move a bit differently. We did a few routes then milled about to let a group clear from next to where I needed to set up a belay for my project. I've been trying this line on and off for around 7 years now, it's definitely E7/8. Today I made progress in that I discovered a placement just big enough to get about 10mm of a slightly modified skyhook in, bomber :) Quite a social wee day up there and good to be making progress on rock after the lows of last week.

On The Traverse

I love the outlook from this great wee crag. 

Tough Choices

This morning I headed to SCNL with Dave, Joe and Nadir to work on a filming project. We were making good steady time up the hill when my ankle and knee began to hurt immensely and I knew a tough choice was coming. I've been fighting this injury for over four years now and I dont mind the damage I inflict on myself but today I felt I was becoming a potential burden/risk to my mates. I stopped and told the guys I was bailing, they left for the route and I slumped down on my pack and popped more painkillers. It took me a long time to descend, sweating, near vomiting, trying not to lose it listening to stupid questions from folk. I had to wait a while for a lift in Glencoe and sitting there on such a beautiful day I began to take in the fact that Scottish winter climbing maybe over for me, who knows though. I guess if junkies can replace smack with super lager then I can maybe find a replacement..........

CMD & Aberlour

On Thursday myself, Dave, James and Joe headed for a round of the CMD and the Ben. It was pretty full on mountaineering conditions and certainly the most interesting day I've had on it. So much snow up there at the moment.

Ahh hot aches-Pic-James Seaman

Joe and James on the CMD

Joe,me, James and Dave. Thats the summit shelter behind us totally encrusted!

Beginning the descent out the cloud. My ankle not looking healthy there!

Stunning views on the descent

Dave made a wee video of the day here .

Yesterday Andy, James, Rich and myself headed over to the opening of the new Speyside Climbing wall . Gareth Wignall has been on a mission to get everything together to have this wall built and Scott Muir and his team have done a great job. It was a great turn out and a lot of folk even hung around to hear me do a wee talk.

Not Sure.....

I'm not really sure what to call this post hence the name. I visited a different orthopaedic surgeon the other day for another opinion (3rd opinion) and was told it shouldn't be possible for me to be going on the hill at all anymore with the state of my ankles/knees. More surgery is in the pipeline and more throughout my life is inevitable. The surgeon told me if I give up climbing I may totally avoid surgery but I cant even comprehend life without it. I took what the Doc said with a pinch of salt but even at that I know within myself that my time is limited so I'm just going to follow his parting words, "Keep going till you cant take the pain anymore".......

End of the line or just another obstacle

Face for radio

Today I headed up to the Ben to actually try climb a route for the first time since last February. I was with Dave and Chris from BBC Radio Scotlands Out of Doors programme who was interviewing me for the show. We had intended to climb Green Gully but there was a crown wall just below it and a fair basin of snow just hanging there so we chickened out and headed to Ledge Route instead, most people seemed to have the same idea. We made good time up but the descent was excruciating on my ankles, worth it though. Time to get on the painkillers now.

Chris and myself

Me being a poser

Chris and Dave

Dave and Chris enjoying a brief view toward Loch Eil

Newtyle & Nevis

On Wednesday myself and Joe headed over to Newtyle to meet up with Greg and Simon for some training. Simon worked his project on the Happy Hooker wall while Greg made us all feel like total punters. I was there trying to do Fast & Furious without using many figure of fours which places much more demand on my left hand/arm. On my last attempt I felt strong but pushed the velcro on my prosthetic and couldn't get it to restick, cue anger and swearing. It was Joes first day at the cave trying F&F and he got to within two moves of the lower off which was a bloody good effort, both feeling psyched for another visit ASAP.

Joe on F&F

Yesterday Andy and myself went for a walk up to the CIC hut to have a look at conditions, snowy would best describe it. The ankle hurt like hell for a bit but need to persevere, was great to be among mountains again.

Andy approaching the hut

Is it?

I recently read Blair Fyffes blog post and his thoughts on whether climbing is worth its inherent costs, you can read it here... http://blairfyffe.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/is-it-worth-it.html .I found it very interesting and it made me think quite a bit, strange for me! Up until very recently I'd asked myself the same question a few times but never delved too far  into it. Even if I wanted to question its worth anymore these days its not worth it for me to do so. I've invested too heavily in the life and when I look back on all that I've willingly given up for example financial security, 'comfortable relationships', friendships or my left pinkie digit. Or on the other hand (pardon the pun) the things I've had to give up against my will, ankle, knee and hip health, trying to switch axes, my Astra SRI or trying to make a particular relationship work, even mental health at one point.

Nearing being mentally broken above The Hurting-Pic- Steve Gordon

In gearing myself up mentally to attempt The Hurting XI/11 in the Gorms I thought I'd have to be in a very dark place. The vital life saving bit of gear on the route was out to the left and I couldn't get to it so if I committed to the route I knew it was top out or fall and likely die. I purposefully depressed myself and got to the stage I thought I was ready and looking back now shockingly selfish enough to go for it. I spent a while scoping the route and the moves before realising it was guaranteed death. As I sat at the top of the ridge before walking out I knew I'd went a bit too far, escaping that depression without success on The Hurting was hard work. I questioned how far I'd been willing to go for a route after that.  

Broken ankle after falling trying a new route

Even after falling and breaking my ankle and near skewering myself on my axe I only questioned the mistakes I made, never once questioning climbing and the dominating control it has on my life, should I have? No.  

After the 1st ascent of a new bold E6 6b, the smile answers whether its worth the cost-Pic Glenda Anderson

Of course climbing at your own personal limits has its costs, as Blair says even the time training for it is tough on relationships let alone all that goes along with it. I think we all question it a wee bit sometimes but I doubt any of us would change what we do. When we look honestly at what climbing and being in the mountains in general gives us and truly ask ourselves "Is it worth it??" whats your answer? Mines is without doubt yes!