Saturday, 25 April 2015

The Gut

With plans to get on the lead on Pallor on Thursday I had a sleepless night though on opening the curtains to heavy cloud in the morning plans changed and we headed to Lochailort. Conor was there to film and take pics, Steve was trying a new line as was Mark. I decided to salvage something from the day and had a look at an existing scary E6. I top roped it, Steve did his new line then I decided I should think about getting on lead. 

Contemplation-Pic-Type Two Films

As I stood below the line I began to struggle to justify the level of risk, there is a very on/off move for me and a fall would've likely meant broken bones. I went through all my usual motivators but gut instinct told me to walk away, for a few minutes I tried to fight the feeling but the route didn't give me enough psyche to take a proper big risk. Maybe I'm losing my mojo or maybe just getting slightly wiser, maybe.....

On the walk out-Pic-Type Two Films

Monday, 13 April 2015

Solo again!!!

It's been a busy wee while since the premature end of my winter. With the limitations of my ankle becoming more noticeable I've been firing a lot of energy (and my wages) into my biking and I am getting really into it. It's been a bit of a saviour being introduced to this as it's helping take the edge off the loss of some of my climbing ability.  

Looking down Loch Leven

Last week the rock season began for us with a trip to Ardnamurchan with Steve ,Joe and Rich. Plenty routes climbed in stunning but windy conditions.

The lads walking into Ardnamurchan crags

All smiles at end of the day.Pic-Steve Holmes

While climbing at Ardnamurchan I felt a need begin to grow that I hadn't felt in years, soloing was calling out to me once more. I guess I always knew that one day that dog would hunt again and two days later I found myself at the Quadrocks with Tam and looking up at the unprotected line of The Arete E3 I knew it was time to stop running from what I guess is part of me. I loved being back in the situation of no margin for error, the focus distracting me from all the worries about where my life is now going.

Soloing 

Tam on the walk out




Sunday, 8 March 2015

Forward

It looks like an early finish to the winter season for me as my ankle injury is getting rapidly worse, there are a few reasons for stopping now. Foremost of these is it makes me sick letting folk down when pain stops me, then theres the volume of painkillers getting unhealthy even though I do love a tramadol and last but not least I want to be capable of climbing all the new routes I have in my book for this season on the rock. It's in looking forward to these projects that I can turn the negative of missing out on winter and the accompanying frustration and bottle that feeling till I'm stood below the upcoming scary leads and use that as part of what I need my head to do to get me through. 

 It's been a decent season though considering I thought I'd have missed it totally, couple of pics below of the final week.

On Waterfall Gully-Pic Joe Saunders

Getting buried by spindrift during filming-Pic Kieron Ross

Bantering while Nadir gets shots-Pic-Joe Saunders

On the way to the cafe after bailing-Pic-Kieron Ross





Thursday, 12 February 2015

The Right Choice?

Today Joe, Dave and myself headed up to climb in the Trident area, with some of the lads already on my chosen objective Dave headed up his. He got a belay before the crux and I started up beautiful ice toward him, shortly after though we began to hear blood curdling screams coming from the mist somewhere near us. We had a very short discussion and decided the decent thing to do was go have a look in the general direction to see if we could help.

Dave gearing up while I sort ropes

Me seconding shortly before the screaming began

We descended nearly to the hut then back up into Observatory Gully but never found anything, hopefully it was not as bad as it sounded. I felt somewhat guilty at making the decision to go searching after Dave had put in a good lead in fine conditions but thankfully the boys agreed and I didn't get lynched. Sometimes making rapid decisions under stress can lead to feeling like an arse but had someone needed help I'd have been glad we bailed to try help.Glad is the wrong word, hopefully you know what I meant..........

Wednesday, 4 February 2015

Climbing Methadone

Yesterday Steve , Joe and myself headed up to the CIC cascades for a bit of filming with Euan who is working on a project for the MC of S. After last weeks news on my ankle I wondered if this would be my last day out, the pain 50 metres from the car seemed to confirm this. After 45 minutes the painkillers lost any effect but by then I could see the North face clearly and knew I 'needed' more than wanted to be there. The main objective was utterly pouring so we settled for a shorter steep line instead.  Being up there did get me thinking though..........

Euan, Steve and Joe

Me on the route-Pic-Final Crux Films

With the walk in and route being short and still ending up in a lot of pain I have to face the prospect that that is what I'll be doing for the forseeable future, it's not enough though. It's like a small methadone hit after full on smack addiction, the craving for the full experience is still there gnawing at me, pretty naive to think it would take the edge off as it only seems to make certain demons hungrier and more terrifying. One problem is that I dont want to recover from my addiction but I'm being forced to by pain and not wanting to let down anymore climbing partners. The other problem is that the main dealer of the drug I crave (The Ben) is right there when I look out my window in the morning, most of my mates are addicts too so my chances of recovery are slim at best and that suits me just fine..........Cant wait for my next hit............. :)

Climbing past Euan-Pic-Vertical Fever


Saturday, 31 January 2015

Screwed

Yesterday Gaz and I headed for the Ben, I managed to walk 15 minutes but the pain in my ankle was making me sweat, feel sick and light headed. I managed to see the GP and got sent straight to A&E for X-Rays, thankfully I got someone who knows the history of my injury and after comparing older images it seems the screw going through from my heel has burrowed through to the point of nearly breaking out the other side and it seems during fusion surgery they have made a mistake and drilled twice to place the other screw and now it seems to be breaking my bone apart, oh and my arthritis is worse. Who knows whats going to happen next, all I know is I dont see a happy ending to this latest development!! I'll write more soon but for the time being I need to figure out pain management that doesn't include a bottle of Talisker..........

Sun dropping on more climbing


Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Curtain & Cobbler & An Ember

On Monday Dave and I headed up The Ben again to get on the Curtain, one party in front of us on the last pitch meant we didn't need to queue or avoid debris which was good. One day like this on the Ben is worth the weeks of miserable weather we get.

Hotaches, ouch

Dave on Pitch 1 of The Curtain

Me setting off on pitch 2

Dave steals the final and best pitch

Top out

Yesterday Dave MacLeod and I headed for the Cobbler. Dave had his eye on a line but for a few reasons it wasn't a day to push it. 

Dave walking into the murk

We rescued this sheep on the way out.

Over the last few days I've been run out on gear or soloing on relatively easy ground and have felt that the fire I thought I had extinguished for soloing is still perhaps a smouldering ember that may soon relight itself........