The last few weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster in my mind. After being told my ankle was pretty much totally wasted I wasn't sure whether I'd stay in the Highlands or even to continue trying to climb but after a stint in the Shire I knew I couldn't move back there either even if there are a couple of good things there. I dont really feel at home anywhere these days but I feel slightly less lost the closer I am to the hills. On returning to the Fort I spent a week going over things in my head and whether I should leave but then the surgeon called and told me 100% I wasn't receiving anymore help/surgery and it just flipped a switch.
Being told this was liberating in that I no longer hold onto false hope that I'll get better so I decided to ignore the quitting advice, ignore thoughts of moving away from climbing and the Highlands. First thing is to get some hill fitness back and I started last week with a wee jaunt up Stob Ban, necking Nurofen all the way, I nearly turned round at one point but persevered. Today I went up Sgurr a Mhaim and along Devils Ridge. It was great being up there alone too, I'd forgotten the simple pleasure of having a mountain to yourself.
This counted as work, looking over to Stob Ban
Summit of Sgurr a Mhaim, Ben Nevis behind me
The pain has been quite intense but I took a third of the painkillers today that I did last week. I've worked out a new stride pattern which helps too. The most fascinating bit for me (as always) is the mental side though. After years of soloing I've learned to use my brain to control or even totally cut away certain emotions so I've been experimenting with trying to switch off pain receptors at certain levels and the results are pretty amazing, the mind is an outstanding thing if we can tune into it.