The Hurt Begins

Tonight I headed straight down the wall after work for my first axe training session since March. Luckily Blair and Johann were psyched too and helped me motivate myself. As they bouldered I sharpened my Fusions in prep for what would be the sketchiest holds I have ever trained on.

Trying hard not to fall off

The training hurt but I managed to stick all the sketchy holds now all I need to do is attempt to link it all , so I need to lose a bit of weight , work on strength and fitness and sort out my diet...........

Blair showing the effort

Johann on the steepest board

Moving up here , bringing up the wall and all the training is pretty much all for one reason. That reason is one particular winter route which , if i manage to climb it , will mean I can hopefully get peace from myself. It will take me to a level , physically and mentally , that I find hard to imagine right now. I really wanted to do it last year and I got physically ready but mentally I wasn't prepared. I was still hanging onto the past in some areas of my life but I've cut away from that now and have a fresh outlook on my approach. The route is the most serious thing I've ever wanted to do and its the first time I've actually been afraid of a climb , even soloing M10+ feels easy in comparison to how this will be.

Last year I thought that if I was depressed then I would approach the climb with a 'who cares' attitude but the depression started having a physical effect and I had to battle a bit to break out of it. I've realised though that I have to hang on to my dark side so I can tap into that to allow me to climb solo near my limits , I've also learned how to effectively control the depression that I get as a side effect of my epilepsy now so I can use it to my advantage. So heres hoping it all comes together this year..................