Good Weekend

With the next trip to Ireland just around the corner I feel the impending risk beginning to seriously dawn on me. With this in mind I needed to see how my ankle was and more importantly where my head is at on dangerous ground. So on Saturday when my parents visited town we headed up to the CIC hut and it was stunning. Just being up there has healing properties of it's own. My parents had never seen the North Face of the Ben up close before so it was cool to be there to see there reaction when they saw the impressive cliffs in their full glory.

Maw and Paw at the Hut, Maw looking very happy

On Sunday it was time to see if I could relax and focus on an intimidating route so with Suzy keen to get her photography back on track we headed up Glen Nevis on another stunning day. I decided on Fingertip Finale again as a suitable solo that lies between comfort and fear. I got that relaxed feeling that you only get when all the right ingredients come together. I've heard Dave talk of this often but only now am I starting to be able to realise when it happens and how to potentially recreate it. I'd say at least 70% of it though comes down to who we climb with and how chilled you can be in their company when you are doing something that scares you.
Suzy suffering for her art and fighting with the Holly bush trying to get to the belay

I instantly felt relaxed but focussed on the route, even taking time on the moves to force myself to take everything in and just chill. This is all so when I hit the Mourne's soon to try E8 I can fool myself into relaxing a bit on the crux moves of Tolerance. I'm at my most psyched in a year and feel good about it. There's a small part of me feels I'm over the worst of the darkness that has driven me for so long now but I know it's more likely just lying dormant for the time being. I do though think that I'm now attempting hard routes for better reason than I have in the past, I think, only time will tell, for now however I'll soak up as much of this good feeling as possible......

Suzy got some good shots on her first day on the rope, I soloed the route twice and felt great, all in all it was the best days climbing I've had for a while............

Fingertip Finale E4, Glen Nevis. Amazing route. Pics Copyright- Suzy Devey

Headspace

Since my last blog I've been in a bit of a weird place mentally. I have been getting problems with my ankle again which has limited my climbing and work. So I made another appointment to see the surgeon and eventually got there last week and he basically told me that my climbing is over as is full time work. I couldn't believe what he had said and just walked out in a state of shock and drove to Ayrshire and spent a few days partying while mulling over my future. I had only very limited career options before the accident and they are totally crap now. Thankfully Nevisport have been great and have sorted out hours to suit my injury while still allowing time to train. Psyching up for a hard winter lead-Pic- Steve Gordon

I've always had hope that one day I'd settle down into a 'normal' life but as this dream drifts ever further from my grasp I realise how that hope has held me down. Hope is such a pointless thing, either we do or don't, that's it, hope is just a nice word for wait and that's wasting time and I've done enough of that now. For the Doctor to basically give me no hope was a blessing in disguise as I'm no longer thinking too much about what my future could hold but more about cramming in as much as possible to the here and now. I think this should allow me to push harder in my climbing and commit to more challenging routes without way too much thought about potential consequences. Life is great in this way that we can take what should be bad news etc and turn it into somewhat of an advantage.