So Close

So it turns out I'm having epileptic seizures in my sleep now which is real kick in the nads as I was due to begin my skydiving adventure next month. I'm still dealing with the after effects of a hellish fit on Sunday night, headache, pain all over, depression etc at least I haven't lost bladder control during any of these episodes.....yet, would not be good with my electric blanket :) I tried to describe how it feels to someone yesterday and the closest I got was , imagine being electrocuted, beaten and trapped inside a nightmare that you cant run from or scream for help even though you're trying with every part of your being and multiply by 10, I think thats quite close.

Moving forward from this I have to look at other things I want to achieve in life so I'm not distracted by the blow of losing out on wingsuiting/Base jumping. Theres a massive amount of stuff in my climbing still to get focused on, infact two lifetimes wouldn't be enough to do it all. Also I'm getting more and more into my biking which is great fun and having spent so much time at Nevis Range this year I may even consider trying snowboarding this season, maybe.  So theres still plenty to try even though I'm gutted that my wingsuit dream is over!! 

Look forward, not back

The Works- Part Deux

Last week Joe and myself had an early start to head South of the border to pick up Conor and Kerr to head to The Works. The sluggish crawl through Glasgow traffic giving me the fear, I dont know how folk can deal with that on a daily basis without going mental. Conor and Kerr were there to film and Joe and myself to climb so we all got stuck in with our various jobs and aims, no faffing, everyone clear on what they want to achieve which was good. I got back on First Blood after dropping my axe at the last move on my last attempt last year and Joe got on Blood Donor. After climbing with Jeff Mercier last season we've did our best to follow his no fig four style so for me personally it totally changed the route as fig fouring allowed me to somewhat make up for not being able to switch or high axe. 

On the second day Joe sent Blood Donor first try and I knew the pressure was on, he'd sent First Blood last year and I hadn't heard the end of it so I couldn't have him two routes ahead of me. I got on my line after a warm up try and felt good, only dreading one move that had potential to hurt my hand/arm. Making it to the move I knew I had to cut loose and risk swinging the wrong way ,which would've been sub optimal, thankfully I went the right way and managed to sort myself out with encouraging shouts from below and finish the route. The lesson here for me being that holding onto shit that hurts is pointless, better to cut away and risk short term pain and move on through to other/better things, amazing the crap ye learn hanging upside down in a dank cave!!!!

Attempting First Blood last year

Joe,Kerr,me and Conor 

Joe feeling the psyche

On the last day Joe and I were trying other routes but never had time or much energy to complete them so another trip in November is looking likely!!

Will hopefully manage this route next visit-All pics- Type Two Films

Clarity & Direction

For over 16 years since I became epileptic I've been fighting serious depression, its something I've always felt but more so since my first seizures. No help has been available to me as I cant take anti-depressants and the therapy I was sent to years ago never worked. Anyway up until last month I've dealt with it with alcohol, I was going out drinking heavily a lot recently and it got to ridiculous levels and mixing it with lots of tramadol never helped, well not in the long run anyway. I suddenly saw what I wasn't just becoming but had secretly been for a long time and very clearly knew I had to change direction. I went cold turkey which hasn't been easy but that was 6 weeks ago and I'm happy with the progress I'm making. 

Just after quitting I was at Newtyle with a strong team and a clear head, the longest I'd been sober for a very long time and I was climbing better and stronger than I was in my twenties.

Euan,Greg,Simon,Robbie,Joe and Willis at Newtyle

Next up was a yomp up to a crag in Arrochar to start cleaning a big new route which I'm well psyched to get on.

View from above the new route over to Ben Lomond

The following week we had an awesome day up at Nevis Range on the bikes and I dropped into my first section a of black run.

Rhona near the top of the North Face path.

I've spent a few days up the Glen with Chaela doing some of the classics which has been great as ever since I moved here I've usually always been trying new routes, trying to repeat hard stuff or belaying hard stuff, nice not to be stressing. Though I have my eye on a great line up there I've never done before and will be quite a scary lead :)

Chaela walking out from Scimitar in Glen Nevis

Then it was back on the Buachaille with Rhona to go for a quick afternoon jaunt up Curved ridge. 

In the clag on the summit of the Buachaille!!