Ya Dancer

After last weeks disappointment at Strathconnon I was pretty angry at myself for not having broken the E7 barrier , not angry at failing on the route but more angry at myself due to the nagging doubts of losing my bottle etc . A while back Dave and Gaz both soloed an E7 slab in the Gorms called Firestone , Dave called me shortly afterwards telling me it would suit my style of climbing . However the route gets seepage from Hells Lum and takes days to dry , which hadn't happened for near two months . On Wednesday night I checked the forecast for the weekend and saw that Friday looked good and it had been dry for three days , time to go for it . I picked Kieran up early and headed to Aviemore to meet Fran . The closer we got to the Gorms the better it looked . We got ready and headed on in and even though I kind of knew what I was heading for I felt perfectly content with it.




Kieran and Fran heading up the Goat Track






We headed up into the Corrie in a fairly strong wind but stunning views everywhere , one of those days that make you glad to be alive and in the mountains . On arrival at the crag the route looked exactly as it said in the guide "devoid of holds and protection" perfect!! I got on top rope right away and , as happened last week , only fell once first attempt. I tried it afew more times but then realised that what will happen will happen , harness off , rope gone , just myself and time to play the dark mental game.

Tope-roping Firestone , Fran on belay...

I sat away while the lads set up for film and pics. I always have to try find the right motivation triggers before doing things like this and they usually follow the same line and this time was no exception but I usually feel pretty scared and yet this time I felt nothing . Just an emptiness that seemed to come from focus , total committment to doing the line and a kind of resignation to the route. I felt free.

I got on the route and climbed the first few metres , my foot slipped and I hurtled down , no pain though so no excuses to quit. Straight back on and went for it , I went way past any possibility of down-climbing and remember thinking to myself that I was strangely happy to be in a position like this. As I approached the crux , which is in the last few moves , I could feel my feet start to slip again but then something happened and I focused totally on the subtle smears in the rock , no racing heartbeat , no hurling stomach , just a crystal clear picture of what had to be done.





Approaching the midway point on the solo



I got to within one move of the good hold at the end and just as I tickled two fingertips onto a tiny hold my feet once again felt insecure , relax , keep going , no chance to quit now. I reach through by the skin of my teeth to the finishing hold , mantle and literally run the last few metres and it was just the best I've felt in years.




Contemplating what I had just done and pondering whats next





As we were packing up our kit I took some time to myself to think , and realised that although I was stoked at doing the route I was also feeling somewhat lost as I dont really know where to go next in rock climbing , I have always said that soloing E7 was my lifetime ambition and I wouldn't solo any harder but already the niggling thoughts were there. I also had to try explain to myself how far I'm willing to go to climb a route , the risk , purposeful depression , severing contact with important people in the build up and came very quickly to the conclusion that those fleeting seconds of pure undiluted happiness after the climb are worth all the sacrifice.





Time to focus on winter plans................

Ambition vs Friction

A while back I decided that if I could solo or lead a bold E7 then I would make an effort to walk away from doing life threatening things on a fairly regular basis ( though I was reminded that I said this about reaching E3 ) . So with this in mind Diff , Gaz and myself headed to Strathconnon yesterday to check out the Julian Lines route 'The Unknown Soldier' . A very bold and slabby undertaking . I got on a top rope and did all the moves bar one 1st try then the sun came out...

On top rope , pics- Gaz Marshall

I tried again and again to do the crux move but with nigh on zero friction I had to admit defeat and after a bout of swearing , lowered down . I know I'll go back to attempt this line when the temp drops but I also know that its right at my limit and that I'll be taking a huge chance in leading it . But in my opinion its worth taking the risk as the personal reward from success on this route far outweighs the risk of serious injury etc .

Looking scunnered after lowering off for the final time

The closer I get to climbing my lifetime ambition grades the more I have to wrestle with my reasons for climbing the way I do . I've been questioned many times about if I have a deathwish and after having nearly died quite a few times I can honestly say I dont as I've fought hard to survive . Theres also the question of whether I feel I have to prove something with being disabled but I haven't felt that for years . Perhaps its because of being dumped by the only girl I've loved because of my climbing , well I say dumped , she did give me a choice between her and climbing . I dont know if I'll ever truly understand why my ambition never seems to dull in climbing but I'm pretty sure that no matter what I do I'll never be able to easily walk away from the cathartic joy of taking risks....