Stuff

Went up the Glen again to get some shots on Fingertip Finale from a different angle this time the other day for Mountain Boot Company who are the UK distributors of my new clothing sponsor Outdoor Research. They also supply my Scarpa and Grivel kit which is handy.

I had to visit the Shire for 2 days there and hated it. Around the point that these pictures were taken I happily relaxed and had a conversation with Suzy, I dont know what it says about me that I felt more relaxed here than in many a social situation and I felt safer than I did walking around my stinking home town. I'm not one for regret but I do wish I had moved to Fort William years ago as I feel like I wasted a lot of time in Ayrshire with people I no longer even bother with.

Both pics by Suzy Devey

The pre hard climb mentality kicked into high gear yesterday, sleepless nights and even when I do drop off I'm dreaming of Ireland. I constantly go through the moves. The commitment I will give to this route means I have to commit to being selfish and blocking out other stuff/people in my life as it will do me no good on the route. For the first time on a hard route though I'm not just thinking of the cathartic feeling afterwards but of actually being on the climb and soaking up the joy of the moves. Feeling as psyched as I was for Firestone last year but in a more positive way.....................

Good Weekend

With the next trip to Ireland just around the corner I feel the impending risk beginning to seriously dawn on me. With this in mind I needed to see how my ankle was and more importantly where my head is at on dangerous ground. So on Saturday when my parents visited town we headed up to the CIC hut and it was stunning. Just being up there has healing properties of it's own. My parents had never seen the North Face of the Ben up close before so it was cool to be there to see there reaction when they saw the impressive cliffs in their full glory.

Maw and Paw at the Hut, Maw looking very happy

On Sunday it was time to see if I could relax and focus on an intimidating route so with Suzy keen to get her photography back on track we headed up Glen Nevis on another stunning day. I decided on Fingertip Finale again as a suitable solo that lies between comfort and fear. I got that relaxed feeling that you only get when all the right ingredients come together. I've heard Dave talk of this often but only now am I starting to be able to realise when it happens and how to potentially recreate it. I'd say at least 70% of it though comes down to who we climb with and how chilled you can be in their company when you are doing something that scares you.
Suzy suffering for her art and fighting with the Holly bush trying to get to the belay

I instantly felt relaxed but focussed on the route, even taking time on the moves to force myself to take everything in and just chill. This is all so when I hit the Mourne's soon to try E8 I can fool myself into relaxing a bit on the crux moves of Tolerance. I'm at my most psyched in a year and feel good about it. There's a small part of me feels I'm over the worst of the darkness that has driven me for so long now but I know it's more likely just lying dormant for the time being. I do though think that I'm now attempting hard routes for better reason than I have in the past, I think, only time will tell, for now however I'll soak up as much of this good feeling as possible......

Suzy got some good shots on her first day on the rope, I soloed the route twice and felt great, all in all it was the best days climbing I've had for a while............

Fingertip Finale E4, Glen Nevis. Amazing route. Pics Copyright- Suzy Devey

Headspace

Since my last blog I've been in a bit of a weird place mentally. I have been getting problems with my ankle again which has limited my climbing and work. So I made another appointment to see the surgeon and eventually got there last week and he basically told me that my climbing is over as is full time work. I couldn't believe what he had said and just walked out in a state of shock and drove to Ayrshire and spent a few days partying while mulling over my future. I had only very limited career options before the accident and they are totally crap now. Thankfully Nevisport have been great and have sorted out hours to suit my injury while still allowing time to train. Psyching up for a hard winter lead-Pic- Steve Gordon

I've always had hope that one day I'd settle down into a 'normal' life but as this dream drifts ever further from my grasp I realise how that hope has held me down. Hope is such a pointless thing, either we do or don't, that's it, hope is just a nice word for wait and that's wasting time and I've done enough of that now. For the Doctor to basically give me no hope was a blessing in disguise as I'm no longer thinking too much about what my future could hold but more about cramming in as much as possible to the here and now. I think this should allow me to push harder in my climbing and commit to more challenging routes without way too much thought about potential consequences. Life is great in this way that we can take what should be bad news etc and turn it into somewhat of an advantage.

Committing.........

After my recent attempts to climb E8 I realised, A)how much I want to attain this level, not only of climbing but of commitment and B) of how much work I'm going to have to put into the possibility to make it a reality. I tried a lot of hard routes in my time off and got beaten a lot, I put this down to not only physical weakness but emotional and mental weakness too. I made a mistake in getting close to someone and I should've known better from a recent split that I'm not in a place to give much to anything but climbing at the moment as much as I pointlessly try. On the route below I was trying hard but couldn't concentrate as my mind was elsewhere, trying to figure out other problems. It wasn't till I received a text the other day from Mike (who was climbing there that day) and he said I was seeming down that I really saw it clearly for the first time and I knew then things had to change.

Trying a new line in Arrochar, committing, friable and bold, 1 bit of gear at 30m Pic-Alan Fox

On my running circuit, looking towards Aonach Mor

So the other day I somewhat spring cleaned my life, as I mentioned in a previous post. I've given up trying to get into any of the careers I was interested in as there are too many (unproven) restrictions going against my disabilities. I've stopped trying to settle into what most see as a normal life. I went through my phone contacts and deleted a pile of numbers, got rid of all unnecessary possessions and I feel the better for it, almost like a new start.It feels good to be committed and focused on only one thing, no more hopeless distractions.

After 4 days at work dealing with obnoxious tourists I was more than ready to start training in earnest , early start yesterday and a PB on my running circuit. Then shopping for healthier food, bloody expensive this healthy eating.
After effects of trying a problem of Daves (I'm blaming him)

Then it was down to Alan Kimbers bouldering wall to meet up with Dave for training. After climbing slabs for so long my skin was too soft and I managed to take a good old chunk off my left hand after only an hours climbing. After that it was home to open a package from Diff. It turned out to be a best film award for Single Handed from the Slovenian Alpine Association. I was well chuffed that a hardy bunch like the Slovenians enjoyed the film...........

New Toys

I recently received support for my winter kit from Grivel so this meant a visit to the prosthetics guys at Raigmore Hospital the other week. we had a bit of a discussion on angles etc for the axes and the guys got to work chopping my Quantum Race tools up and I picked up the finished products yesterday. Trying out the mixed version of my prosthetic

Today I headed down to the Ice Factor to try out the results. Its really handy having this place local to test these out instead of realising faults while in Norway or Italy etc. The guys there (Jamie B , Andy , Kieran) were good enough to help out with belaying and taking the pics.
The shorter ice version in action

They both seemed to work fine in here but I'll need to wait till winter to really find out.

Trying, Failing and Accepting

I've had almost two months off work now to try climb E8 and sort out some other parts of my life. It's given me time to accept that for the time being settling into a relationship isn't going to work for me while I'm pushing myself trying to find out just how far I can go with my disabilities. it's selfish of me to keep trying as my attitude is one of not letting anything distract me and even the pettiest squabble can put me off so it's not worth it. I also feel closer to accepting the fact that I'm getting a bit older now and any chance of a career in the fields I'm interested in are slipping away, all this has the positive side effect that I'm more capable of focussing my energy on climbing and committing myself more to it.

Trying Marks line in Glen Nevis -Pic-Alan Fox

I've been trying a lot of new routes in my time off, trying to find different ways of using my left hand to allow me to climb better and it's working.Mark McGowan pointed out a route to us in the Glen that he reckoned was worth a look so Johann and myself tried it the other week and it was utter nails (sure E7) I couldn't do one bloody move but it's well worth another look and I'm sure Johann will send it soon. I was beginning to worry that if I was to climb harder than E7 that I'd be doomed to climbing slabs for the rest of my life. But after another visit to Ireland with Di Gilbert to meet up with Ricky again that fear has been quashed. I tried a few lines without success due to my hand ,though no matter how hard I try to just accept this it still pisses me off and I get extremely angry with myself.
Top roping Tolerance E8 6c, Binnien, The Mournes . -Pic- Ricky Bell

Tolerance is a mega bold route with a terrible landing if you blow it on any of the hard moves but it's an absolutely stunning line. I have a struggle with two of the moves but I'm sure I can manage them in cooler conditions. It's great to have focus back on one or two particular routes again as it allows me to concentrate and not have that 'whats next?' feeling.

It was another great trip to Ireland, every time I go I enjoy it more and I'm more keen to go back. The place is awesome, the climbing is perfect for me but it's the people on these trips that really make it memorable. The scene there is like nothing I've seen before, utterly unique.........
The Team at Fairhead shortly before heading for the Athletes dinner of Fish, chips and lager.....

Revenge of the Fallen

Today I managed a new route at my old haunt, The Quadrocks. I had noticed it last night while belaying friends on one of my routes on the main face. Early today Hector and myself headed up before the heat of the day really kicked in, even with factor 50+ I'm still burnt.I took a few shots on top rope then decided to go for it as it was getting ultra warm.The line goes up the right side of the existing E3 route The Arete and I graded it E3 5c.
Last of the hard moves on first ascent of 'Revenge of the Fallen'

Cheers to Hector for belaying and taking the pics.